


Huddling for Warmth

by AmmoLovesJyron



Series: Sam Winchester Bingo 2019 [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Avery and Red are the same person but in two different fics sorry, Avery is basically reader but I hate using that whoops, Comforting Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, F/M, Female Character Death, Gen, Sam says goodbye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-17 23:43:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18108914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmmoLovesJyron/pseuds/AmmoLovesJyron
Summary: It’s taken almost three years for Sam to reach this point in his relationship with Avery.It only takes a split second for it to be gone forever.





	1. The Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Square filled: Huddling for warmth

The heart monitor beeped steadily.

The ventilator had a hard time making sure she could take a breath.

Beside the machines keeping her alive, the hospital room was silent.

Sam sat on a chair at her bedside, his eyes emotionless as he stared down at her frail hand.

“I can’t believe I let it happen again, Aves,” he murmured. A tear fell, and he heaved a deep sigh to stop more.

“I let Jess go, I was the reason mom died, and now… the doc says you might never wake up.”

His chest ached with heartbreak, head dizzy from the last 48 hours. Avery didn’t reply- comatose and unresponsive; the doctor had warned Sam it was only the ventilator that was keeping her alive. Her fingers wouldn’t even move when he held her hand- even Dean had done that when he was in a coma. Sam felt like raging through the halls until he found someone who could cure her, but Dean had been adamant that he stay put.

_“She wouldn’t want you to make a deal with a demon so don’t even think about it. Let me talk to Cas, maybe he’ll have somethin’.”_

Dean had gone back to the bunker, leaving Sam with his lover who was lying lifeless on the bed, flat on her back. It made Sam sick to his stomach, seeing her like that- Avery liked to sleep on her side, usually cuddled up facing into his chest even in the middle of summer which killed Sam but he didn’t care. Sleeping with someone beat sleeping alone any time.

“I wish I could tell you how sorry I am, I wish you could yell at me. I hid it from you and now you’re dying. It’s all my fault, Aves.”

Sam’s hands were shaking as he grasped on to her, swiping his eyes with his sleeve just to check before he choked back a sob.

“Aves I need you, please don’t leave me. I don’t want you to go; it’s not your time okay? We- we still need to get married, and have little idiots running around the bunker. We- I still need to take you to France, to- to mom’s grave.”

The door opened and Sam straightened, sniffing and trying to make it seem like he was okay. When he turned to see who it was the doctor in charge of Avery just smiled sympathetically at him.

“I can get you some dinner if you’d like, and a blanket,” she offered. Sam nodded, sending her an appreciative glance.

“Thanks.”

“Oh, and Mr… Irwin, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you should know that… there’s a chance… Avery won’t wake up…”

“I know,” Sam murmured. The doctor stepped closer, squeezing his shoulder cautiously.

“We were looking through the national records… Avery has signed a DNR and has Mr Sam Winchester as her next of kin.”

The woman cleared her throat, kneeling down next to Sam’s lanky body which looked tiny in the seat.

“Mr Irwin, you can tell me the truth. I won’t dob you in, not under patient-doctor confidentiality.”

Sam stared at her, but her eyes were soft and he sighed, sniffing.

“Yeah, you got me. I’m Sam Winchester.”

“Right. Well no more playing games, hm? The only way I can help you, and Avery, is if you tell me the truth.”

The older woman was quite maternal and Sam could see she was a good doctor, someone compassionate, someone who considered everyone and didn’t treat her patients as though they were her job; she was genuinely interested and wanted to help.

“Okay. What do you need to know?”

“Where’s that outlawed brother of yours? He should be here, with you. This is not something someone should go through alone.”

“He’s… got other things going on. I’m fine on my own.”

The woman sighed. Sam felt her hand leave his shoulder, and he saw out of the corner of his eye as she stood. She headed for the door, sighing.

“Mr Winchester-“

“-it’s Sam. Mr Winchester was my grandfather-“

“-Sam. Of course. I don’t think you’re coming to terms with the severity of the situation. Avery is dying and there’s nothing we can do for her medically. By keeping her on life support it’s dragging out a painful stage. You need to think about-“

“-thanks.”

Sam shook his head and the nurse made a noise, disappearing out the door. Sam’s hand clutching his phone was trembling and he took an unsteady breath.

 

“Sammy, how you doin’?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m okay.”

“I know you Sam, and I know that’s bullshit.”

Dean’s voice rang through the phone crisp and sharp, making Sam wince. Dean _did_ know him, maybe a little too well. Being on the road together for as long as they had been did that.

“I just- the doctor reminded me that keeping her on life support wasn’t doing anything but prolonging her pain and suffering. Did you know she signed a DNR?”

There was silence, except for the sound of Baby’s engine in the background. Sam swore under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“You knew, and didn’t consider it important to tell me?”

“Sammy, no, that’s not what happened-“

“-she’s my _girlfriend_ , Dean! Why did she tell you and not me?”

“-Sam, listen-“

“-I can’t believe her! Or you!”

Sam was red hot with anger, grief underlying, and he got up from his chair to pace the hospital room.

“Sam listen to me. You need to calm down, okay? She told me one night when you were puking your guts out all night and we were talking about some dark shit while you slept it off and I mopped the kitchen floor. I promised to keep it a secret, okay? I promised Avery.”

Sam’s throat dried up, and he groaned.

“Dean, I just- I don’t understand.”

“Me neither man, me neither. Look, I’m on the road right now, so I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Bye.”

“Keep your chin up Sammy.”

Dean hung up and Sam turned his attention to Avery. She lay there, white as the sheets covering her, and the rage flowing through Sam turned to grief.

For the first time since he’d gotten to the hospital, he let himself cry.

 

A hand on his shoulder was what woke him up. His first assumption was that it was that kind doctor who had given him the pep talk the day before, but when he heard a deep voice he realised it was Dean and shot up in his seat, straightening to spin around.

“Dean?”

“Hey Sammy.”

Sam’s resolve crumbled, and he got up to hug Dean. The second Dean had him Sam burst into tears; big, ugly, gasping tears that made his entire body tremble with the weight of what he was going through. His grip on Dean was borderline possessive, but Dean understood.

“C’mon Sammy, c’mon.”

He directed Sam to the couch in the room, making him sit. Sam’s duffel bag sat on the edge and Sam dug through to find the tissues he knew would be there- Sam always carried medical supplies, and tissues had made their way on to that list when he’d needed something to cover a wound that wasn’t going to be bulky. Dean’s hand ran over the expanse of Sam’s broad back and shoulders, the hand holding the tissue giving it to his brother.

“Wipe up man, c’mon.”

Sam cleared his throat, wiping his eyes and blowing his nose before tossing the tissue into the trash. His entire body was still shaking with the overwhelming need to do _something_ , but he knew deep down he couldn’t.

“Sam?”

It appeared Dean had been speaking, but when he realised Sam wasn’t paying attention he’d promptly stopped. Sam snapped back to the here and now, and Dean sighed.

“I passed a doctor in the hallway… she mentioned something to me about talking to you, she thinks we should be considering turning off life support.”

“I can’t, Dean,” Sam murmured, his voice hoarse. He’d been crying on and off for hours and it was obvious in his tone.

“Sam, this is something we can’t be selfish about, okay? You and me, we’re selfish assholes, sacrificing each other so we won’t be alone, but Avery wouldn’t want you to do that. She’d want you to do what was right.”

“Dean, I can’t do that. What if- what if someone possesses her? What if this whole time she’s been under a witch’s spell and we never knew?”

“I don’t think that’s the case here. The accident has already been checked out by the cops who swore left and right that she fainted at the wheel. It would have been kinder for her to be killed on impact.”

“How can you _say that_? Dean, this is all my fault and I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I don’t know if you can, Sam. Maybe- maybe just this once, you… you have to accept fate.”

Sam stared at his brother just for a moment, surprised when Dean met his gaze.

“I know it’s rich coming from me, but… you have to consider what Avery wants, not just what you want. Keeping her here, trapped in this body, it’s… Sam, you know what you have to do.”

Sam’s head fell to stare at his lap, biting his lip.

“Can you go get the doctor? I just- I want to say goodbye, properly this time. I didn’t get to say it to Jess or mom, and it’s the least I can do for Avery.”

“Course bro.”

Dean got up from the couch, heading for the door. With his fingers on the handle, he turned to Sam.

“Just know that I’m really proud of you, Sammy. You’re doing the right thing.”

Sam sent him a weak smile, sighing.

“Any other day Dean and I would have been smiling for the rest of the week if you’d told me that.”

 

With the room dark, Sam sat beside Avery’s arm, lifting it slightly to hold her hand. He pressed a kiss to her knuckles, his lips trembling.

“I wish I’d just come with you. I should have just sucked it up, Aves. This is my fault, and I know you won’t like this but I swear, I’m gonna get you back. We still have so much to do, _you still have so much to do_.”

He swallowed, a humourless laugh making its way up his throat.

“I love you, and because I love you I have to do the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

Sam’s voice broke toward the end, and he leaned down to kiss her just once more- her lips, once smooth, were now chapped from the lack of care they’d been given, but he didn’t care. They were her and he appreciated that for everything it was.

“Goodbye, Aves. I’ll see you soon baby. Say hi to Cas in heaven if you see him.”

 

The heart monitor stopped.

The ventilator was quiet.

The hospital room was silent.


	2. Huddling for Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In all my fun writing the first chapter, I completely forgot where I was going to fill the actual prompt. Here’s a continuation where I actually get my shit together.

Sam and Avery’s bedroom was always cold now.

It used to be a room full of love and laughter, but now it just made him want to scream.

Avery was gone, and it was all his fault.

 

At night, he slept in the huge bed by himself. Sam himself was a big, broad guy but when it was just him, he felt miniscule. It just didn’t feel right without Avery beside him.

Every night, he huddled for warmth against the cold sheets. The room didn’t feel like his anymore.

 

“Sammy, get up.”

“Fuck off Dean.”

“Sam. Get up man, you have to.”

“And why should I?”

“Because it’s been nearly two weeks and that’s the longest you’ve ever mooched in bed for after someone’s died.”

“She wasn’t just someone, Dean.”

Sam sat up, running his hand through his hair- okay, yeah, that needed a wash. Dean regarded him with concern and empathy, sighing.

“C’mon dude, just take it slow. Why don’t we start with some food?”

“M’not hungry.”

“Typical Sam.”

Dean crossed the threshold into Sam’s space, coming to sit on the bed beside him. He was quiet for a moment, letting Sam gather an idea of what Dean was about to say, before Dean held up a hand.

“Listen, Sam, I… I’m really sorry for what happened. I know you’re still grieving, and I understand that takes time. It’s a lot to process and I wish it hadn’t happened.”

“You’re telling me,” Sam mused. Dean hummed. He awkwardly reached out, and ran his hand over Sam’s back in what would be called a comforting rub. Sam’s eyes closed, as a tear fell.

He was convinced he’d run out of tears.

“Oh, Sammy.”

Dean held his shoulder and pulled Sam toward him. Before he knew it Sam had him wrapped in a bear hug, sniffling into his neck.

“Dean it still hurts and I can’t make it stop.”

“I know man, I know.”

“And I want to move on, I really do, but I feel like I’m not doing what’s right by her.”

Dean held the back of his brother’s neck, sighing.

“Sam, Avery loved you, and I know you loved her. It takes time to move on, whether it be two weeks or two years. You move on when you feel ready, not because someone tells you to.”

“It’s different to when I lost Jess.”

“Yeah. I can imagine.”

“With Jess it- it was like I loved her, but we probably weren’t a forever couple. Whenever we talked about it, we both agreed that we would probably break up at the end of college. Avery… Avery was different. I was convinced I was going to marry her, maybe have a couple kids. Get that ‘apple pie’ life I always wanted but dad told me I could never have.”

Dean’s heart ached at the pain in his brother’s voice, in his tone, and he felt tears dripping on to his shoulder. He rubbed a hand down Sam’s back, brushing through his hair.

“I wish I could tell you that it only gets better from here, but I just don’t know if that’s the truth.”

“She didn’t deserve this,” Sam murmured against his brother’s flannie, Dean humming.

“I know she didn’t man, I know-“

“-I wish we’d never met, I wish we’d never bumped into each other at that shitty restaurant. I wish I’d never slept with her. I wish she’d never agreed to join us.”

“Sammy-“

“-no, Dean, listen to me. Avery’s life was picture perfect before she met us; before she met _me_. She had a loving family, a stable income, a nice home. When we met she threw all of that away in blind fate that she’d end up staying with me till death do us part and well- death did part us.”

Dean realised Sam was tiring and lay him down, getting up.

“Fine. One more day to sulk, but after that I need you to get your head screwed on.”

“Dean I don’t think I’ll ever have my head screwed on.”

Any other day, Dean would have laughed at that.

At that point, he just wanted to cry.

 

“Cas, c’mere.”

Castiel looked up from Dean’s new laptop, an eyebrow raised.

“What is it, Dean?”

“I need to ask you something and it’s going to sound fucking horrible but I need you to do it for Sam.”

Cas tilted his head in that uncertain way he often did when he was confused, and Dean grabbed his arms.

“We have to go back to Avery’s grave. I need you to take time back three years, before Sam and Aves met.”

“Why? Dean, Sam and Avery meeting was fate.”

“Well fate’s fucking pathetic and I don’t want to see my brother hurt like this. Please, Cas.”

“Something’s telling me that you haven’t run this past Sam.”

“Of course I haven’t run it past him, he’s too busy filling a pillow case with snot instead of an actual pillow!”

Dean groaned, spinning on his heel to leave the room. Right as he got to the doorway, Castiel spoke.

“Dean, wait. Ask Sam first.”

 

“No way. No way, I don’t want to forget her. I loved her; there’s no way I’m letting you erase my memory of her.”

“Sam, this spiralling… if you keep going on this path, you’re going to kill yourself.”

“Shut up Dean,” Sam snapped. He ran a hand through his hair, settling his eyes on Cas.

“Instead of never meeting her, why can’t I just be friends with her?”

Castiel sent him a weak smile he’d picked up from observing the younger Winchester, followed by a sigh he’d learned from Dean.

“Sam, fate says that when the two of you meet, that you will be bound for life. Nothing can tear you apart except for death.”

“Fuck, that guy’s such an asshole.”

Dean tried to make light of the situation, earning a bitch-face from Sam and a very Dean-like glare from Cas. The older of the Winchesters rolled his eyes, settling to stare Sam down.

“Sam, I’ve never seen you like this. She’s broken you, and I know it sounds depressing to hear but… you know if it keeps going like this then you’re not gonna be around for much longer.”

“Cas will just bring me back,” Sam snorted. Castiel’s eyes widened.

“One day Sam, a day will come where I won’t be able to. You will have to fight for your life the natural way.”

“Fuck you, Dean!” Sam roared. He shoved the blankets back and got up from the bed, going to his closet. He began searching for clothes and Dean got up too, stopping Sam by holding his shoulders.

“Sam, you know I’m right. Avery wouldn’t want you to be this way.”

“Don’t you _dare_ talk about her like that!”

Sam shoved Dean’s hand away, and Cas made some sort of rumble in his throat.

“We shall get out of your room, Sam, so you can calm yourself.”

Dean went to protest, but Cas used his grace to pull Dean out of the room. Sam stood staring into the mostly empty closet for a moment, before he slammed the door shut.

His scream was met with silence.

 

“Just do it, Cas.”

“Dean, I don’t think we should be-“

“-Cas, this is important. Sam is hurting and this is the best way for us to help him.”

“But he hasn’t agreed to it.”

“Well he doesn’t need to, he’ll thank me later.”

Castiel sighed, putting his fingers to Sam’s forehead. Grace flowed through his veins and out through his fingertips, into Sam’s mind. The entire room began to spin, and Dean felt himself being sucked into some sort of hole.

“Castiel?”

“Relax, it’s just the time resetting itself.”

 

**3 Years Prior**

“Hey there.”

Avery turned on her chair, an eyebrow raised in amusement. She was met with a tall, muscular blonde guy, and he sent her a smile she recognised as incredibly flirty.

“Hi.”

“So, listen… my brother, Sam, there… he has been starin’ you down all night, not in a creepy way or anythin’, but he would really like to come over here and talk to you. Would that be okay?”

“Depends. Is he going to buy me a drink?”

“If he doesn’t tell me and I’ll punch him up.”

“Thanks…?”

“Dean.”

“Right. Thanks, Dean.”

 

Sam dawdled over, a beer in his hand. She noticed he spun the chair around to sit with his legs braced against the back of the stool, and Avery frowned. Who did he think he was?

“I- I uh, I’m Sam. Winchester. Can I buy you a uh- can I buy you a drink?”

“Why are you sitting on the seat backwards?”

“Oh- I uh, I don’t- I don’t fit on the seat normally, it’s- it’s more comfortable for me.”

“Right. Well then, I’ll have a rum and cola.”

“Sure.”

Sam held a hand up at the bartender and ordered, tossing some cash from his pocket to the board.

 

“So, Sam, what brings you to a tiny town with nothing but gossipy people and a bar with a terrible mixologist?”

“Work, actually,” he blushed, hiding behind his shaggy brown hair, and she nudged his hand.

“Your job?”

When he met her eyes, he felt safe. He could trust her.

“This is gonna sound crazy,” he began. Avery just laughed.

“Sam, I’ve met a lot of crazy people. I highly doubt you’ll scare me.”

“Me and my brother… we hunt the supernatural.”

Avery’s laugh stopped, and she grabbed his hands.

“Wait, like… ghosts?”

“Well, yeah. Sometimes. We call them ghouls though. I kind of prefer a poltergeist, though.”

“Wow! You must have seen a lot.”

Sam nodded, downing the rest of his beer.

“I can’t even begin to explain the things I’ve seen.”

 

The rest of the bar was shutting down, Dean had fucked off with someone, and Avery took Sam’s hand in hers.

“I- uh, I don’t live too far from here. Would you- do you think we could-“

“-yeah. Yeah, okay.”

As Sam stood, a headache rushed over him and he doubled over in pain. Avery’s hand was on his back immediately, but Sam tried to push her away.

_I love you, Avery._

“-Sam, is everything okay?”

_The research sessions at two in the morning._

_The coffee cuddles._

_The feeling of her in his arms._

_The accident._

Sam stood, clearing his throat. When he looked up at Avery now, all he could see was the woman on her death bed three years later, eyes closed and face pale. It nearly killed him, then and there.

“I- actually, I uhm- I think I should head back to the motel, find Dean. God knows what he’s up to.”

“Sure. Are you okay? You blacked out or something, was your drink spiked?”

“No, no I don’t think so. Just a real lightweight. I’ll see you around, Avery.”

Sam grabbed his jacket, about to disappear out the door to cry in his bed, before she called out.

“Could we at least keep in touch?”

“Avery, you know that job I was just telling you about?”

“How you’re a hunter? Sure.”

“Well, with my job comes a lot of risks… I can’t have a cell phone.”

“Oh.”

Her entire face fell and he felt like throwing up as he walked out the door.

 

Sam’s room was always cold now, without Avery to fill the empty space beside him.


End file.
